I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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