I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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