Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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