Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
