I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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