what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
