You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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