we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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