please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
