i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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