jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
