Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
