the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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