I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
