There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize