In the future we'll all be gay
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
