totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
