I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
