i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
