I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am naked and annoyed.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
