i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
