im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize