There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
