I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
what day is it and did you see me today?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
