You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
