yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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