you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
