Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
