I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
