I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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