38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
