you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
