my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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