i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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