I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
