The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
