At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize