Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
