I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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