why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
