Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
