She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize