You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
