I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
