All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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