I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize