shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need a beard to bite.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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