if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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