dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
