That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
