Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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