i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize