Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
