Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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