he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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