If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
