The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize