I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
