I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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