Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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