Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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