drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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