Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize