Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
