I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
