I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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