My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
