Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If that was your dad, he is hot
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
