two words...techno handjob
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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