i just made my gag reflex go away.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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