He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
