I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
