she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
