Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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