i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
