wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
