I wish I could punch you in the face.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
