He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
