I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
