im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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