I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
