I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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