Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
