My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
