The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
