margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
the raccoons are back...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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