if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
