wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize