I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
