I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
