now i know why i became what i already was.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize