i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
