she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I could fuck to npr.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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