Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
