Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
