Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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