the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
