She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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