I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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