it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
