yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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