Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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