She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize