Ambien. No doubt about it.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
