I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
