ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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