Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
