as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize