She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
