Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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